Be the DVD

“Be the DVD” these are the words that Dr. Becky told me during one of our first sessions without Olivia in the room.  I’ll get to that soon, but first I would like to talk about one of the episodes and outbursts that brought us to this point.  As I mentioned previously Olivia was diagnosed with Episodic Discontrol, where she would act out in a way not typical of other children her age.  On one occasion, there was a science project that she had to do which was due on the upcoming Monday.  She had had a few weeks, possibly a month to work on it, but refused to when we asked her nicely.  During the final week we had worked on the mechanical portion of the project after school.  Today, however was Saturday and it was time for the written portion of the report to be drafted, typed, and printed.  Olivia had no desire to work on this, she would rather run around the house playing with her younger brother (her best friend).

I finally was successful in getting her to sit at the kitchen table and work on it with me.  At this point, she was already annoyed at having to work on it, so I was being careful on how I spoke with her.  I made sure to ask her questions in a way that I knew were not difficult for her to answer, hoping I would boost her confidence and make it fun for her to work on.  After she came up with an outline I looked it over only to find that it was quite insufficient in saying what needed to be said in the report.  When I pointed out the fact that she would need to redo her outline and include the information that needed to be included, she absolutely lost it.  Olivia went from a polite little girl to someone I didn’t recognize, all in a matter of a few seconds.  

At first Olivia was just defiant, stating that “I’m done, it’s fine the way it is”.  Well it wasn’t, not by a long shot.  I calmly explained what was missing/incorrect and tried to help her work out what needed to be changed.  She wanted no part of it, she started yelling at me, saying how “stupid” this project was and that she didn’t care if she got an “E” on it (they don’t give “F’s” in school anymore, don’t ask me why, I have no idea).  I explained, still calmly, that her report needed to get be completed, and completed correctly.  She was so over the top with her screaming and yelling that I started to record our conversation, so I could let Dr. Becky hear the types of outbursts that we deal with at home.  I didn’t think Dr. Becky entirely grasped the magnitudes of the outbursts when I tried to explain them to her.  I wasn’t looking to prove a point to her, I only hoped that with her hearing it, she would be able to give us ideas on how to work through these outbursts.  Her solution for us was “Be the DVD”.

The concept makes sense, but the analogy is all wrong.  The idea behind this strange saying is that when Olivia acts out in a way that is consistent with her Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) I am supposed to act as if she is not there, and continue my conversation or what ever it is I am doing, don’t react to her.  The analogy Dr. Becky explained to me it “you know how if you are watching a DVD and the doorbell rings?  Well when you get up to answer the door, the DVD keeps playing, so when you are done with the door, and go back to the DVD it is not where you left it, the conversation has continued.”  She then explained “You are the DVD, and Olivia’s outbursts are the doorbell, so when she starts, ‘Be the DVD’ and continue doing what you are doing and don’t pay attention to her.  After a while she will realize that this attention getting tactic does not work.”  Well the idea is sound, and I can tell you that it does work.  My only question is, what DVD player does not have a pause button on it?

This “Be the DVD” method works, and works well.  I am not telling you that it is easy by any means, but if you can get through the first couple of weeks, possibly longer things will start to change.  In our case things didn’t get necessarily change for the better, in fact they eventually escalated to episodes and outbursts that were much scarier.  I will delve into these at another time, as I am not yet ready to share this experience.  



Now this isn't to say that this method will work for everyone, or that everyone will have the same results, I'm not even asking you to try this yourself. My goal here is not to give you options to try at home, only to tell you what has and has not worked for us. Before you try anything, please talk to your child's therapist and discuss it with them.