A Tale of Two Kiddies

I am hoping that with writing this, I am able to bring to light some childhood psychological issues so that someone else may find comfort, or help them realize that they are not alone and should look for help.

In my original post I mentioned that my wife and I have two young children.  I am always amazed at how, even though they were both raised by the same parents and the same way that, they are so different.  My son, Oliver*, who is 6 years old is one of the happiest kids I’ve known.  Sure, he has his bad times when he is cranky and irritable, but who isn’t at times?  In general though, he is a great kid.  Seeing the world through his eyes always puts a smile on my face.  He loves school, and always has.  I know he’s only 6, but he was in pre-school for 3 years before entering kindergarten this past year.  His teacher(s) are always telling us how he gets along with all the kids in his class, and how all the other kids love being with him.  He is definitely a social butterfly in and out of school.  He is not shy and never hesitates to meet new people and make new friends.

My daughter, Olivia*, who will be 9 years old this summer is quite different than her brother.  To begin with she is quite shy, and always has been.  As a baby she would cry when someone other than my wife or I would talk to her, or hold her.  Looking back, it wasn’t a cry of being scared per se, but more of a cry of anxiety.  I don’t say anxiety nonchalantly or without a reason.  You see, recently she was diagnosed with anxiety with mild depression.  As strange as it may sound, I’m glad, and in order to explain why, I need to go back a few years.

A few years ago we noticed a change in Olivia’s behavior, especially in the evening and/or after school.  There were times that she would dramatically overreact over the simplest of things.  One example would be if we said “no” to a question about another snack before dinner she would at times start screaming at the top of her lungs and saying things like “You always say no to everything!”, or “Do you want me to starve? You don’t love me if you want me to starve.”  Now the first few times we thought it was just funny and laughed it off, while writing it off as “she is just tired”.  The problem is, is that these episodes started to become more frequent and over time more extreme. 

Late in 2010 we talked to the pediatrician to get her thoughts on the matter.  She recommended that we talk to a child psychologist so we made an appointment and went as a family to talk to her (yes, the psychologist is female as well).  So off to the psychologist we went.  After talking to Dr. Becky* as a family the first session, and then another session with only Olivia and Dr. Becky, then Dr. Becky and myself we finally had a diagnosis.  We were told that Olivia has Oppositional Defiance Disorder with a sub-category of Episodic Discontrol with an underlying diagnosis of anxiety with minor depression.   That is an earful to hear, and a mouthful to say.  What is comes down to in laymen’s terms is that Olivia has emotions and feelings that she is unsure how to express yet as her age, so she acts out to get her point across.  So instead of being angry and dealing with it internally she lashes out at whoever is around at the time.  If she gets nervous or anxious about something, instead of trying to calm herself down and think rationally about her fear(s) she lashes out at whoever is around.  If that means yelling at her brother for no reason, or yelling at her parents, then that is what she will do.

The good news is that at school, Olivia has no outbursts as she is able to control her emotions.  Dr. Becky seems to think though that since Olivia does that, once she gets home it is time for her to “let her guard down” and relax, which lead her to her outbursts.

Over the next few months Dr. Becky talked to and helped Olivia learn some “tools” (techniques) which would help calm her down and relax her enough to talk to people without yelling at them.  Well these tools never really worked, and a few weeks ago thinks started to escalate.  At this time I am not comfortable talking about how things seems to have gotten worse, but I will say that Dr. Becky was told everything and she has decided that it may be beneficial for Olivia to go on a very, very mild dose of an anti-anxiety medication for a period of 6-9 months to see if it helps.  So, seeing as how Dr. Becky is a psychologist and cannot prescribe medication, we are off to a pediatric neurologist for a consultation and a possible prescription.  Personally I do not like the thought of medicating my child, I myself hate taking medication unless it is absolutely necessary, but we believe it is time to seriously consider it.  I will call this week to make an appointment with the neurologist and hope to finally start seeing improvements in Olivia’s anxiety once she starts medication.  It breaks my heart to see her suffer the way that she does, and I only wish that she could be happy and not afraid or anxious about everything. 

As you can see, even though the kids have the same parents, and have been raised in the same environment, they have totally different personalities.  This is just one of the daily issues that I need to deal with as a S.A.H.D.  Hopefully my next blog will be more upbeat, sorry if I brought you down in any way.

*Names have been changed.